So here is my vanity story of the week. My extended family is going to St. George this weekend for my niece's wedding (happy wedding Brianna). We have had an unusually cool weather this spring in the great city of Bountiful. For the last many summers I have already bowed down to the sun god time and time again while working in my garden or flower beds. However, this year I have not put in a garden, and my flower beds have only been visited by me while bundled in a sweatshirt and long winter pants. No sun worshipping for me this year. Woa, I got off on a little bit of a tangent so back to my story already in progress. This weekend, St. George, wedding, me pasty white legs. Do you have the visual? My sister, who will remain nameless (Diana), thought she would treat me to a "spray on tan" to help lift my spirits before we departed for the land of sun. I think she really wanted an alibi for her vanity. So off we go to the day spa for a "spray on tan." Have any of you ever had one? All I can say is nasty! I enjoy showering. I take no less than one a day and often will take two showers and a bath in a day. Not in the rules with a spray on tan. One must wait six to eight hours before engaging in such water activities. Not to mention, no loofas, washcloths, or scrubbing of any kind are allowed. Only light patting. SICK!
Needless to say I left the day spa with a painted on smile, literally. I didn't want my sister to feel bad that I hated how I felt. My husband said I looked good, my girls said I looked orange, my mom said the tan looked great, and my friend Carrie said I looked like an indian. Who to believe? Needless to say...two hours on the dot after my "paint job" I was in the shower. All that is left are very orange hands and feet, and a nice little line on my behind from the paper, yes I said paper, panties I wore in the paint shower. Did I mention it is not a booth like the one Ross goes to in that episode of Friends. A beautiful, young, skinny girl stands there and paints it on you with a spray machine thing. I thought I was being funny when I stated to her, "sorry you have to stand here and paint old, fat women like me." Huh...she replied, "oh, its okay. It goes with the job." Not something like "you're not old, nor are you fat." But "it goes with the job." Not only did I feel like the vainest person in the world, I now felt old, fat,sticky and nasty. But hey, I'm ready for the wedding. If only Brianna's colors were orange, then my feet and hands would blend right in.
13 comments:
I'm so glad you posted this story.. cuz if you didn't I was going to do it for you in 3rd person! I love it! You still look really tan, no orange, and hey.. you were Pochahontus.. right? Just adding to the Disney Princess theme! Glad you're posting again!!! Yipee!
ok I'm trying REALLY hard not to laugh....ok I can't do it! That story seriously made my day! At least you won't get skin cancer like I probably will! Love you more than a fat kid loves cake!
You are so great. If I wasn't in my office with an ornery old lady who hates me, I would probably laugh right out loud. Reading your blog just might be a growing necessity for me...keep it up! :)
LOL!!! I am sorry but i had to laugh. I have never had a spray on tan but I have seen them done on TV before. I also had no idea you couldn't shower or have all those crazy restrictions. I wish you would have added a picture of the "tan"... just to add to the already very visual picture you painted. I hope you get back to normal coloring soon.
Hey, I just re-read my comment... Honestly, I meant to write, you still look really tan, NOT orange! Forgot my T on the end... kind of makes that sentence funnier tho...
Oh my stars, you boldly went where no Ashley has dared go before. I have always had an image in my mind of what it would be like. How strange it is that your story and my image are the SAME! I am laughing so hard because I can only imagine how mortifying it would be and that you actually did it. Worst of all, you were mortified only to have pasty legs and orange hands at the wedding. Next time go as yourself, everybody loves that best of all.
So that is such a funny story. I think it was you who told me for my wedding I needed to go do that because I was so white. I am glad I didn't. I must say I would feel a little uncomfortable standing in paper underwear for someone. Don't you love how honest people are. I think I might of started bawling if she told me that. But when you say that you are hopeing to hear that you are not. And by the way. You are not. and I am being honest. you are beautiful.
Ok so when my best mate from NZ came over we did it. And that's when I had my FIRST wedding rings stolen. So add that to the list of why it suxed and then you'll know why I'm never doing it again.
Bad news baby.
I, too, have never attempted the spray tan. But it made for a funny story. Almost worth it, right? I especially loved the part of the girl working there. It is amazing how our sweet kids can grow into such annoying teenagers. Not looking forward to that.
Robyn,
That is a hilarious story! Where is the picture?? We hope to see you guys in Alaska soon! Bring that tan with you, you'll need it.
Mollie
Hilarious. Truly a great read! Have a good time at the wedding (no matter what color you appear at the time...)
too funny. i agree with mollie's comment about holding on to that tan at least until you get to kenai. i recently returned from seeing my parents and sisters (who hadn't seen me in about 2 years) and they all made separate comments about how "pale" i am. yikes!!!
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